My daughter, sometimes changing one word can make all the difference in your relationships. In the world of apologies, “If” is that powerful word. We tend to say, “I’m sorry IF I hurt you.” This sounds great to ourselves, because we are in fact saying Sorry. But IF puts conditions on the apology. You might as well be saying, “I’m sorry about the possibility of you being hurt, but I’m still not certain you were legitimately hurt or should in fact have been hurt by what I did.” IF weakens your acknowledgment of the other person’s feelings and makes you blind to your own actions. It’s like if your friend were pointing out the beauty of a flock of birds in the sky, but you doubted her because you didn’t see the birds. Sometimes, you just accept that there were birds, just like you need to accept that there were hurt feelings, even if you didn’t intend for them. If you do question the existence of birds (i.e. the possibility that you hurt the other person), just look around for the crap on the pavement. There’s always fall out from when you hurt someone. So listen, my daughter, don’t apologize more than you actually have to. When you do, though, try switching out IF for THAT. By saying “I’m sorry THAT I hurt you”, you will acknowledge the experience of the other person. Yes, you will resist this with every fiber of your being because you will tell yourself you never intended to hurt the other person and so they are in the wrong for misunderstanding you. But fighting over whether someone else’s feelings are real or not is as silly as questioning their seeing birds. Just switch IF for THAT. I think you’ll be surprised by the difference that one word makes in your relationships. #birdsofafeather #sorry #if #fatherlessons #parenting